Tomorrow is June 17, 2009. I will begin my new job with Round Pond Estate tomorrow morning as their wine educator. The job will take me to Napa, a move that will happen slowly over the course of this summer. I have so many things to say about this, starting with: I NEVER saw myself working/living in Napa! And I never saw myself settling down in a relationship, only to have it work out the complete opposite of how I planned. And I never thought I would leave San Francisco, the city I have wanted to live in all my life, only a few months after arriving. But that just goes to show, you should NEVER say NEVER!
The last few months have been quite a test on my sanity. So many things have happened that I didn't see coming by a long shot. After writing my last blog in January about Ryan, I finally felt good about being on my own, and going out into the world to fulfill my dreams. I was starting to learn so much about myself, my strengths and character. One thing after another kept moving in the right direction, and I went with it, free to go wherever the wind was taking me. In the beginning of February, I got a phone call from Ryan saying he was ready to move back to California. This came as a huge shock, especially since I had just come to terms with the fact that he would probably be in New York for the next couple years. But I was elated nonetheless. Upon his return, things sprang into fast track. We traveled up and down California visiting friends and family, and reconnecting with each other. We talked about what our plans were for the immediate future, and we both agreed that we wanted to be in San Francisco. I was ready to push my business into gear, and he was ready to be a top wine broker. So we made the decision to move in together, since we both knew there was no way either of us could afford to move to the city on our own. It was an easy decision as well because we had traveled throughout Europe together, and lived in pretty tight, unpleasant quarters, and managed to survive there. (More of a practical move than a romantic one) I quickly found a part time job pouring for Hanna winery at the trendy wine bar Press Club in downtown SF, and it would allow me time for my own business ventures as well. Ryan landed a full time job in wine sales just a couple blocks over in Union Square. We were set! Then the problems began flooding in.
The week before we were set to move into a place, the woman we were renting from changed her mind. We had 4 days to find another place and move in before Ryan started work the following Monday morning. We frantically looked, and found a decent room to rent at an insanely high price, but being our only option, we took it. Little did we know the woman we were renting a room from was clinically insane. I don't want to go into that much more, because there are still open issues with "Wacky Jackie" involving our deposit. Needless to say, it was very hard on Ryan and I, and it was all we could do to just support each other and not completely lose our heads.
Work progressed for both of us, despite the unbearable situation at home. My job was simple, and a bit on the mindless side, but I persisted because it was exposing me to the right kind of people. Ryan's job kicked his ass, and taught him a few things about rejection. We both agreed we weren't making nearly enough money to survive in this city, nor were we truly happy. Yet we carried on.
A few weeks ago things hit a new low. I was actually in tears about our living situation and our jobs were becoming too much of a struggle than the value of the benefits reaped. We started looking for new places to live, and meekly started scanning the job market. We quickly had results with the housing issue, and got out of that hell hole fast. And I started finding jobs that had a little more of a promise for a future. I got two offers from jobs in the city, but my heart was really set on this opportunity in Napa. While the jobs in the city would have been ok, they were not the push to the next level I was looking for. They were simply too easily got, and I have always been driven for more than that. Even Ryan found a company that inspired him, doing almost the same thing he was doing in SF, but for a company that valued wine, people and relationships, and didn't just want to hassle people on the phone all day.
As for me, after an extensive interview process, I accepted the job with Round Pond and prepared myself for the next major challenge in my life. As for Ryan, he received a job offer today from the company he has been applying for, which is also in Napa. As for us, we will be moving forward to these next adventures in our lifes as individuals, supporting each other as friends at every step. Ryan will be looking for places in downtown Napa, so he can avoid buying a car, and I will be commuting from the place I will be house sitting for in Tiburon for the next month and a half while I take my time looking for the right place. We are both really excited about moving back to wine country and living by ourselves. There is so much we both still want to learn about ourselves as individuals and ways that we want to grow. We finally realized that as much as our feelings told us to be together, we honestly had nothing to give to one another, and until we do, we have to venture out alone. Ryan is still one of my best friends, and I cannot thank him enough for being patient with me this past few months while I have been trying to figure out my path. We both acknowledge that neither of us would be where we are without going through everything we went through together. And although it didn't work out as we had planned, we have no regrets and no reason to look back.
A lot has changed lately, but I embrace it all whole heartedly. I look forward to living in an area where my business may have a chance in the future, but in the meantime, getting some hands on experience working for a great company. And I look forward to continuing to move my relationships with the great people in my life forward. My family and friends have been more important than ever, and it is so comforting to know they are always by my side. The other day I had a realization... When my friend Chris passed away almost 2 years ago, it was the first time I had lost someone outside my family that I was extremely close to and loved with all my heart. I realized that I didn't even understand how much he had meant to me until he was already gone, and it left me with a horrible sinking feeling inside. Chris was the only friend I had that I was that close to, and I feared I would never have that again. Then I realized that over the past few years, I have been fortunate enough to form relationships with a few amazing people, that I know will be in my life for as long as we are living. There are only a handful of them, but they are more valuable than I could have even imagined. Because I know I never told Chris enough how much he meant to me, I feel blessed to have realized how lucky I am to have such wonderful friends now. We have been through a lot together, and we carry and support and push each other all the time. I want them to know how much I love them and how greatful I am that they are in my life. They have taught me things about myself that are so important; they have helped me become a better person, and accept the person I am. Along with my rock solid, super star family, they have made me happy to be the silly, dorky, emotional, over-analizing, melodramatic, hopeless romantic, independent, pushy, picky, stubborn, giggly girl that I am. They know all the silly idiosyncrisis about me, and they love me despite, or inspite of all of them. And for that I want to say thank you. I love you all too!
Now I move forward to this next chapter of life, ready to face it head on, confident, scared, excited, alone, and independent, but with all the support anyone could possibly ask for.
Recent discoveries/ things I always knew but didn't want to admit:
Likes: buying new sponges (or any cleaning products for that matter), hot dogs, fog horns, sleeping in, texting, burning candles, new makeup, painting my fingernails, iced tea, fuzzy socks, lillies, watching my favorite TV shows, quesadillas, going home, SLO, hugs, being mentally stimulated, being listened to, driving, California, sunsets
Dislikes: mornings, insane roommates, doing laundry, parking tickets, taking the bus through China town, painting my toenails, being bored/unchallenged, stupid people, pointless rules, the neighbor's loud music before 8AM, flaky people, being ignored, namecalling, criticism, bums, daily test of emergency siren, bad drivers, flossing, vitamins
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